I was recently babysitting. I enjoy being around kids, and I don’t mind children’s movies. In fact, sometimes, I use babysitting as a sad excuse to watch children’s programming.

The most recent children’s movie I watched was Moana. Which, the deep layer of character realization, and inspiration to be who you are goes right over a 6 years old’s head, BUT IT DOESN’T GET PAST ME.

So yes, I’d like to thank Disney for inspiring me. Even when they thought they were reaching out to a child-like demographic, they were really just reaching out to a child-like grown up who needs self-confirmation every once in a while!

However, I do have a bone to pick with Disney. So here we go…

Dear Disney,

I am getting really sick and tired of all your characters having perfect hair, and perfect ‘messy buns.’ WHAT IS THAT. you create cartoons, and even when your characters are fake, their hair buns come out one hundred times better than mine ever do or ever will. To put it in easier terms, Maui’s ‘messy bun’ makes me in a messy bun look like Miss. Trunchbull from Matilda*; and that’s ON A GOOD DAY!

So please, stop making messy buns a pipe dream for me.

Thank you. Forever jealous of cartoon hair,

EG.

 

*If you do not know what Matilda is, you are too young and I am ashamed of society. Matilda is a great movie made in 1996, and it will change your life.

 

Don’t forget to be kind and rewind.

An open letter to the people who post pictures of their texting conversations on the internet:

I like a good meme or GIF…but the one thing I absolutely cannot bare are the text conversations pictures or screenshots of home-screens for that matter. You all know what I’m talking about; the screenshots of the conversation bubbles trying highlighting a funny response or an auto correction fail.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good laugh from a meme on the internet. However, the texting screenshots have GOT TO STOP. This is not 2010 anymore (accurate timeline? Probably not, but that is not my point and just move on from this, cause I will too).

The idea behind the picture is funny, and I honestly really do understand the purpose. The only part that is very difficult for me to wrap my brain around is how in EVERY SINGLE picture, the ‘receiver’ —or person who posted the picture— always has 100+ unread messages. I know this because of not only my incredible mind power, but that damn little notification bubble up next the back arrow on the upper left hand side of the screen is all lit up like a freaking campfire in the middle of a dark forrest.

I just have a few questions for these conversation wizards:

Does this not BOTHER you?

Does that little notification circle BOTHER you?

How do you have so many unread messages? The only way I could get that amount of messages is if my mother was so mad at me she threw herself into a blind rage.

Are these compulsive texters your friends?

If anyone out there can answer these questions for me, please do…because obviously I have nothing better to worry about in my life and this is also literally bothering me to the point of no return.

Those pictures make me want to scream, and to all the people who post those pictures and have copious amounts of unread messages, I have one message for you:

YOU BOTHER ME.

Do not even get me started on people who label their contacts weird names.

(Was that foreshadowing to my next post? Tune in next time to see)